I have a friend; we’ll call him Jaxon. (It sounds like that Johnny Cash song, “Jackson” except with an “X.”) He called me this week to tell me he’s been on a “raw food diet” for the last five days and he reported the most phenomenal results. Veggie smoothies have led to miraculous things like mental clarity, boundless energy, and womb-like sleep. The mention of peaceful sleep perked me up a bit and I wanted to know more, since I hadn’t slept peacefully since I was under anesthesia in 2009.
He said he’s been falling into a deep and restful 8 hour sleep (“like a baby”) with the only oddity being he experiences a slight and brief heart palpitation when his alarm goes off in the morning. He asked me what I thought might be causing this and I reminded him that I was not a doctor, but perhaps his electrolytes were off from the cleansing power of all those vegetables. I asked him for some more details about his regimen and he mentioned things like wheat grass, soaked nuts, and camu powder.
“Camu powder?” I asked.
“It’s an anti-oxidant; it has more vitamin C than the state of Florida,” he said.
“You’re not taking it before bed, are you?” I asked.
“No, never later than 3:00 p.m.”
“OK, but you’re sleeping soundly. Are you having any dreams?”
He thought for a minute and said “Well, a couple of nights ago, I had a dream that a space ship landed in the front yard of my condo. You know how it is in dreams, though. It was a space ship but it looked more like a Ford Pinto. Anyway, the passenger door of the Space Pinto opened and this creature got out. Now that I think about it, the dream was weird.”
“What did the creature look like?”
“It was sort of like an upside down water tower, but with really long legs. Maybe 7 or 8 of them. Some of the legs had ruffles on them.”
“Ruffles?” I asked.
“Yeah, ruffles. Bizarro, huh?”
Jaxon didn’t seem too worried, so we chatted a bit more about goji berries, acai, and coconut water and then hung up.
As is my usual Thursday night routine, I brought my Johnny’s Selected Seeds catalogue to bed with me. I was thinking about one of the vegetables I bought last week and whether I could grow it in the Victory Garden. I flipped to page 50 and staring at me was what looked like an upside down water tower with long, ruffled legs.
I’m not sure a raw food diet is for me, but kohlrabi is delicious. Some people like it raw and some people like it cooked. And it looks like a crazy, space alien! I wonder if Jaxon slipped some into his Vitamix blender with a little too much Camu powder?
Have you ever grown Kohlrabi? Do you dream of Ford Pintos and upside down water towers with ruffled legs?