Friday Pillow Talk – Prank Phone Calls

It’s been a busy week, one long crawl from the horizontal to the vertical.  I’ve gone through the motions of living, getting things done, and sadly, not dreaming.  Have I really been sleeping?

I have, however, received a few annoying phone calls; some of them bordering on idiotic.  In lieu of a dream sequence, I’m creating a new Friday Pillow Talk called “Prank Phone Calls.”

In this modern age, prank phone calls don’t really exist.  Telephones and smart phones leave a digital print that makes privacy and pranking a thing of the past.  Poor teenagers—they have one less thing they can do to pass the hours between school dismissal and dinner.

Prank phone calls were fun.  I miss them.

Fridays are crazy at my office and it’s my last chance to get important things done before the weekend.  For me, it’s not a day for chit-chat and long lunches.  I need to take care of “bidness.”  If I don’t, the undone work lodges in the back of my mind all weekend and interrupts me when I’m working in the garden, walking on the farm, or jinxing the Red Sox.

Last Friday at 3:30 p.m., I got a prank phone call.  I’m convinced it was pay back for all those pizzas I ordered and never picked up or all the times I called the local pharmacy looking for Prince Albert in the can.  My Friday prank phone call went something like this:

Phone:  Ring, ring.

My Internal Voice:  Who the heck is calling me at this time of day?  Why is everything urgent on Fridays?

Phone:  Ring, ring.

My Internal Voice:  I have to answer.  I don’t want to come in to a voice mail message on Monday morning.

Phone:  Ring, ring.

Girl on the Phone:  “Big Corporation, this is Julie-Ann.”

Urgent Intruder:  “Hi, this is New Pest.  I’m sorry to bother you, I’m sure you’re swamped.”

Girl on the Phone:  “Ha, ha, yeah!  I really am swamped!  How may I help you?”

My Internal Voice:  If you know I’m swamped, why do you call?

Urgent Intruder:  “I’m your new vendor for DUM, Inc.  I was just checking to see if you had your ID to access our system.”

Girl on the Phone:  “Yes, I have it, thank you.”

My Internal Voice:  Are you for real?

Urgent Intruder:  “Great!  Have you utilized the services of DUM, Inc. in the last few weeks?”

Girl on the Phone:  “No, I haven’t had a need for your services.”

Urgent Intruder:  “Why is that?”

My Internal Voice:  Good grief.

Girl on the Phone:  “I’m really not at liberty to disclose confidential information about our current mix of business needs.  Thanks for calling, though; I’ll call you when I do need your services.”

Urgent Intruder:  Oh…OK!  Remember, my number is 1-800-NEW-PEST, ext. 123.

Girl on the Phone:  “OH!  Thank you!  To make sure I can reach you when I need you, let me repeat that number back to you.  Your number is 1-800-NEW-PEST, ext. 123.”

Urgent Intruder:  “You got it!  You’re the best!  Have a GRRREAT weekend!”

Girl on the Phone:  “You as well.  Thank you for your call.”


My Internal Voice:  No lettuce for you.

A few moments later, Urgent Intruder sent the following e-mail:

Hi Julie-Ann:
It was a pleasure speaking with you today.  As promised, here is my contact information should you have any questions/concerns.  I’d be happy to help you in any way that I can.  Thank you again for taking the time to speak with me today.  I look forward to working with you!  1-800-NEW-PEST, ext. 123
I remain,
New Pest

You know I’m not making any of this up.

Enjoy your weekend and try not to be a pest.


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