When I was a child, I remember sitting on the living room couch with a bag of circus peanuts. Not cocktail peanuts, dry roasted peanuts, or peanuts in the shell, but those peanut-shaped orange marshmallows. Maybe I didn’t like them; I threw a few at the ceiling and it made me laugh. It also left a small orange imprint on the freshly painted ceiling. My mother didn’t like it, some kind of discipline was meted out, and I was told it would be a good idea to avoid throwing circus peanuts at the ceiling in the future.
Then Helen issued the quiet reminder of “I’m only going to tell you once.”
Yesterday, blog reader and commenter SK (aka gwynsmum) texted me urgently with the message:
“Bill Belichick just signed Tim Tebow.”
Just like that.
SK knows her football; she’s a student of the game. She’s not a fly-by-night “I loved them in the Super Bowl years” fan who spends hours gazing at Tom Brady’s dimple on her “Twelve Months of Tom Brady’s Dimple” calendar. She understands the plays, the purpose of different players, and can discuss football strategy. She can present compelling evidence to refute any “Spygate” allegation. I can’t even find the right words to describe her football knowledge because it far exceeds my own.
It was difficult telling her I was out of the loop. The truth is, I haven’t listened to WEEI since April 16, 2013. I haven’t listened to any Red Sox games since then, either. My sports consumption has been a mere 20 minutes of a Bruins game while waiting for take-out food.
I had quit listening to WEEI cold turkey.
I considered predicating this revelation with “I’m only going to tell you once” since those words always remind me of circus peanuts. The addition of Tim Tebow to the Patriots’ roster will be just the sort of circus side-show Boston sports fans need.
Sports news of this magnitude was enough to send me back to my sports talk radio addiction. In my “come to Tebow” moment, I tuned into WEEI and sent SK a quick text response of “WHAT? I’m tuning in to WEEI now.”
It’s funny how news travels.
I managed to scoop Reggie Black with the story. For some reason, he wasn’t scanning the news horizons like a hawk and he missed it. My note to him was met with the following response:
“Thank God I didn’t snort Moxie through my nose on that one.”
He thought I was trying to amuse him. Then I told him it was true; after all, I had confirmed it within 20 seconds of tuning in to WEEI, the Boston sports oracle.
He responded in less than one minute with “Holy Crap! You’re right!”
I only had to tell him once.
Reggie likes football; he and SK could have fun talking about this news story. Me, I was interested in how it would be spun by the sports puppets. In a town where the Holy Trinity of football is Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick, and Tom Brady, the introduction of a player who overtly worships a different god is going to be met with resistance.
On cue at WEEI, Mike Salk was telling Michael Holley that Tim Tebow was not going to work because he was so “in your face” about his religion. Then, a caller confessed that he had planned to discuss why Doc Rivers sucks, but “the more pressing matter now is Tim Tebow.” Michael Holley did an admirable job of encouraging Salk to consider applying critical thinking skills to his emotional outburst, but his comment fell flat like a stale circus peanut.
The preliminary judgment of the Boston sports talk community?
Crucify him!
Thirty minutes of WEEI was all I needed after my long hiatus. I didn’t stay tuned in for the Red Sox game and I won’t need to hear Dennis & Callahan’s “take” on it this morning. It will be a predictable set up and if WEEI is lucky, it will generate media buzz and advertising dollars.
Just remember, the most important commandment in any Boston sports conversation is “Bill Belichick is god, who brought Patriots’ fans out of the desert of football mediocrity, and you shall have no other gods before him.”
Unless, of course, fans would like to worship dollar bills, Tom Brady, or some glass company they can call when their windshield’s busted.
This is the script; I’m only going to tell you once.
Julie-Ann Baumer 
First, let me thank you for abandoning your Sports Radio fast just to humor me and my obsession with all things football. Of course the media circus has begun but let’s just think on it for a moment. The signing is news but he has to still make the roster. It’s still an exciting thing though in my opinion. BB IS a football god and in all things I trust, except when he wears “red hoodies”. (That was a disaster and a whole other topic for discussion.) I think part of TT’s allure is that he is a talented player but has yet to find the “system” in which his talent can be honed and effectively utilized. Let’s face it, Rex had no idea what to do with him and although Josh liked him in Denver, I think Elway always had his sights set elsewhere and was not committed. The media makes TT a polarizing figure due to his Christianity and lack of being able to elevate his NFL status, which is a shame because there are plenty of other players out there who are just as vocal in their praise of their savior and show their salutes to Him on the field in various ways. BB is a genius and if there is a fit it will be found else TT will be graciously shown the door ala Chad Ochocinco. But just think of all the great things that happened for WW before he threw his hissy fit and left. Randy Moss had his problems and ended up having some of the best moments of his career under BB. It can happen. Let the media say what they will and stir it up, as a fan I will sit back, take it all in and see how it plays out on the field and enjoy……….btw I would still enjoy staring at TB’s dimples all day and if you ever find that calendar please let me know!
See, I told you this woman knew her football. I’ve got to get busy on my “dimples calendar.” Obviously, a market exists.
Like I told you before, Tebow’s prolly a decent guy in person, a solid teammate, and despite the media circus he doesn’t seem (to me) to pursue it. People oversold his successes, oversold his failures. As for BB’s genius, it is what it is, but he’s made some whoppers, too. The difference is, his don’t cost millions and have no-waiver contracts attached (and I disagree, but the Pats treated Welker poorly for what he produced, and never mind Richard Seymour). So giving Tebow a shot at some different positions and some time to learn how to be a big league quarterback, it’s pretty much no-risk. Let me know when he makes the roster.
I will take a calendar too!!