When I was a child, I remember sitting on the living room couch with a bag of circus peanuts. Not cocktail peanuts, dry roasted peanuts, or peanuts in the shell, but those peanut-shaped orange marshmallows. Maybe I didn’t like them; I threw a few at the ceiling and it made me laugh. It also left a small orange imprint on the freshly painted ceiling. My mother didn’t like it, some kind of discipline was meted out, and I was told it would be a good idea to avoid throwing circus peanuts at the ceiling in the future.
Then Helen issued the quiet reminder of “I’m only going to tell you once.”
Yesterday, blog reader and commenter SK (aka gwynsmum) texted me urgently with the message:
“Bill Belichick just signed Tim Tebow.”
Just like that.
SK knows her football; she’s a student of the game. She’s not a fly-by-night “I loved them in the Super Bowl years” fan who spends hours gazing at Tom Brady’s dimple on her “Twelve Months of Tom Brady’s Dimple” calendar. She understands the plays, the purpose of different players, and can discuss football strategy. She can present compelling evidence to refute any “Spygate” allegation. I can’t even find the right words to describe her football knowledge because it far exceeds my own.
It was difficult telling her I was out of the loop. The truth is, I haven’t listened to WEEI since April 16, 2013. I haven’t listened to any Red Sox games since then, either. My sports consumption has been a mere 20 minutes of a Bruins game while waiting for take-out food.
I had quit listening to WEEI cold turkey.
I considered predicating this revelation with “I’m only going to tell you once” since those words always remind me of circus peanuts. The addition of Tim Tebow to the Patriots’ roster will be just the sort of circus side-show Boston sports fans need.
Sports news of this magnitude was enough to send me back to my sports talk radio addiction. In my “come to Tebow” moment, I tuned into WEEI and sent SK a quick text response of “WHAT? I’m tuning in to WEEI now.”
It’s funny how news travels.
“Thank God I didn’t snort Moxie through my nose on that one.”
He thought I was trying to amuse him. Then I told him it was true; after all, I had confirmed it within 20 seconds of tuning in to WEEI, the Boston sports oracle.
He responded in less than one minute with “Holy Crap! You’re right!”
I only had to tell him once.
Reggie likes football; he and SK could have fun talking about this news story. Me, I was interested in how it would be spun by the sports puppets. In a town where the Holy Trinity of football is Bob Kraft, Bill Belichick, and Tom Brady, the introduction of a player who overtly worships a different god is going to be met with resistance.
On cue at WEEI, Mike Salk was telling Michael Holley that Tim Tebow was not going to work because he was so “in your face” about his religion. Then, a caller confessed that he had planned to discuss why Doc Rivers sucks, but “the more pressing matter now is Tim Tebow.” Michael Holley did an admirable job of encouraging Salk to consider applying critical thinking skills to his emotional outburst, but his comment fell flat like a stale circus peanut.
The preliminary judgment of the Boston sports talk community?
Thirty minutes of WEEI was all I needed after my long hiatus. I didn’t stay tuned in for the Red Sox game and I won’t need to hear Dennis & Callahan’s “take” on it this morning. It will be a predictable set up and if WEEI is lucky, it will generate media buzz and advertising dollars.
Just remember, the most important commandment in any Boston sports conversation is “Bill Belichick is god, who brought Patriots’ fans out of the desert of football mediocrity, and you shall have no other gods before him.”
Unless, of course, fans would like to worship dollar bills, Tom Brady, or some glass company they can call when their windshield’s busted.
This is the script; I’m only going to tell you once.