Bloggernot, Part One

The other day at The Big Corporation, my friend Slim said “Hey! I liked Maiden Voyage.”  Her name isn’t really Slim, but it could be because she’s tall, slim, and pretty, just like a super model.  Think Gisele Bunchen without the attitude.  Slim would never say “my husband cannot BLEEP throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.”

Her dog, Bailey, really is a super model.

He’s retired now, but at one time, he was on the cover of a catalogue that sold dog sweaters, dog slippers, and dog smoking jackets.  Sadly, he doesn’t read my blog.

Supermodel or not, I had no idea Slim was reading my blog so I said “Hey! Thanks!”  We talked about blogging for a few minutes and then she said “It’s weird, but I can hear your voice when I read it.”

I looked away for a minute because I had to wipe a little tear from the corner of my eye.  It made me happy to know my words matched the thoughts that came out of my mouth from time to time.  Of course, Slim sat next to me for two years, so maybe my voice had worn a groove into her ear drum.

I started thinking about blogging and how much fun it has been this past year.  I was nervous when I first started writing and hanging things out on the internet; there are many talented people who have a lot to say.  People with vast amounts of knowledge, expertise, and talent produce bundles of information and stick it out on this electronic clothesline for the world to see.  From time to time, I will talk to people about blogging and they’ll say “oh, I could never do that.”

Blogging may not be for everyone but I have found it to be an easy way to experiment in the “writing” racket.  I had some creative talents that were rotting on the vine of my life.

For every person who might have a rotting grape somewhere in their life, I present five reasons to pluck it and start writing a blog;

  1. You have something to say,
  2. You write Facebook posts extending beyond the “see more” break,
  3. You want to create your own little world,
  4. You want to highlight other people, places, and things, and/or
  5. You want to change yourself.

You have something to say
I am always amazed when I remember that Emily Dickinson’s first book of poetry was published in 1890, four years after her death.  According to her biography, “it met with stunning success.”  Some might say “it is what it is,” but every time my birthday rolled around I would lament that another year had passed and I hadn’t written any letters to the world.  I had a few things to say.  The practice of writing every day has helped sharpen some of my thoughts and has revealed where they are cloudy and weak.  Although this blog has not yet met with stunning success, my letter to the world is now in the mailbox.

You write Facebook posts extending beyond the “see more” break
Facebook is fun, isn’t it?  It’s like a giant buffet of words, pictures, ideas, games, and emotions.  Sometimes, it’s like a big, rolling trash can.  One of my friends from home writes the most beautiful, poignant posts.  He really has something to say and I’m glad he shows up in my Facebook news feed.  His status updates are generally at least 500 words long, he always has a thesis, he supports his thesis with logical ideas, and then he makes a conclusion.  He’s inspiring and he has almost 900 Facebook friends, too.  The problem is that sometimes right after he posts an amazing piece, someone else posts a picture of their non-supermodel dog taking a dump and his post rolls by.  I don’t get around to reading it.  If he had a blog, I’d read it religiously.

You want to create your own little world
My daily weekday goal has always been to arrive at The Big Corporation no later than 9:00 a.m.  Yet every day, by the time I’ve showered, dressed, ironed, prepared my lunch, composed my thoughts, and loaded up the Jeep, I’m late.  It was stressful.  I even wrote a blog post about it.  Ever since I wrote that post, I’ve been at peace about my 9:30 a.m. arrival.  Why?  Because when I pass the intersection where the Federal Express trucks leave their local hub, I’m comforted to see them heading out onto the highways and byways, delivering the world on time.  It makes me laugh and I say to myself “I’m living in my blog.”  The sun is almost always shining in my blog.

You want to highlight other people, places, and things
Good, bad, and interesting things happen every day.  Places burn their image into memory. People are born, they live, and they die and sometimes in that span of time, they affect us.  All of these topics are fodder for a blog.  Some of my most popular blog posts have been when I’ve swung the spotlight onto some other person, place, or thing.  I love telling someone “I wrote about you on my blog today!”

You want to change yourself
Anchovies might just be the most maligned pizza topping in the world.  Bands have written songs which have kept people from eating this freaky preserved fish product and who was I to tell people to eat more anchovies?  I’d never eaten one myself.  One day an anchovy strayed onto a slice of pizza I was eating and it was delicious.  Then I had some in a Caesar salad.  Now, I’m an anchovy fan; they have lots of healthy qualities.  But until I changed my anchovy habits, I had no business telling other people The J. Geils Band was full of BLEEP about anchovies.  Since I’ve changed myself, I can confidently say “Don, that bowling ball is not your wife.”

Start a blog today; it’s still free and so are you.

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Still Pleasant

In the fall of 2011, I put a political sign out on The Farm.  It stayed there until very recently; I don’t know if Uncle Bob took it down or if someone else did.

Still PleasantThere’s nothing controversial about this sign.

Phew.

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Wednesdays are for Gardening

Back when the last breath of the Baby Boom was growing up, Prince Pasta suggested to our mothers that “Wednesday was Prince Spaghetti Day.”  Anthony!  Anthony!  Like everything else, Prince Pasta is no longer a “small pasta manufacturing company” located in Boston’s North End.  The New World Pasta Company may just be a front for some banker’s orgy of collateralized debt obligations; I’m sure one of my savvy blog readers will research it and let me know.  (Anthony!  Anthony!)

Pasta is delicious, true enough.  It just doesn’t have the staying power of beef, turkey, chicken, or that other white meat.  For that very reason, Wednesday will never be Prince Spaghetti Day on this blog.  I may never be the Julia Child of gardening, either.

One thing is certain—I am the Julie-Ann Baumer of gardening and I own this blog.  Therefore, Wednesdays are now Tiny Steps Gardening Days.

Last week, I suggested a seed inventory; blog commenter Loosehead Prop’s seed cupboard was bare, but he reported on his efforts to nurse along a basil plant.  He lives somewhere near the 52nd parallel.  I was impressed.  Basil is a heat and light loving plant that I’ve never been able to grow in pots.  I grew some in my home garden from a random package of old seeds and it grew well but not impressively.  I plan to try basil again in both pots and the garden this year.

My seed inventory surprised me by the litany of questions it produced:

  • Why didn’t I plant more lettuce last spring?
  • Why do I have so many tomato seeds?
  • Is this the year I plant my “Galeux d’Eysines” squash, even though the seed is almost 3 years old?
  • Will I be able to find a large enough place to plant the rest of my melon seeds?
  • Why didn’t I know that there were early and late varieties of many plants, cabbage in particular?

My inventory is complete.  If there were a seed apocalypse tomorrow and I wasn’t able to send away for any new seeds, I’d still be able to plant all the things I grew last year with the exception of snap peas.  Uncle Bob would be pleased with this; although he says he’s going to support the expansion of my experimental snap pea empire this year, I know he thinks it’s foolish.  He says the yield doesn’t justify the space and shelling peas is too much work.  He doesn’t understand the snap pea yet; I’m working on it.  He’ll eat those snap peas, shell and all, and he’ll like them.  He’ll see.

If your seed inventory is complete and you haven’t yet gotten any seed catalogues, I recommend Seed Savers Exchange, Johnny’s Selected Seeds, and Wood Prairie Farm.  They all have toll-free numbers, none of them are owned by the New World Pasta Company, and they’ll happily send you a seed catalogue.

I’m adding Allen, Sterling & Lothrop to my stable of seed suppliers this year; they’re old school seed people and they have a simple and helpful web site.  When you’re in Falmouth, Maine, stop in and see them; they’re right on Route 1.

Think seeds today, not pasta.

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What’s Your Number?

Once upon a time, human beings had very few numbers to memorize.  Sure, there was an occasional census, like when Quirinius was governor of Syria; Mary and Joseph made the trip to Bethlehem to be counted.  From my reading of the gospels, I don’t see that they actually had to remember and regurgitate any numbers.

In 1935, as part of The New Deal, social security numbers were introduced; these nine digits have been the ones most Americans have memorized because they are connected to our “identity.”  The dawning of “technology” and “algorithms” has made it more difficult to protect these nine special numbers and every few months there will be a new report of a “security breach” which threatens our “identity” and our lives in some small way.  For instance, in January, 2007, TJX Companies, Incorporated, announced a “data breach.”  45.7 million consumers were allegedly affected and the potential existed that personal information such as social security numbers and bank account numbers were shared with people whose interests in such information may not have been beneficent.

Such a “security breach” caused great consternation among technology users and consumers; was my password strong enough?

Today, everyone has many, many numbers to remember.  There are tips and free security websites to help consumers strengthen themselves against the nefarious criminals who stalk everyone on the mean streets of cyber-suburbia.

The future promises more numbers and algorithms, not less.

No picture today, just insert a heavy sigh here.  My readers will surely join me in sighing when they read what I’m going to write next.

I miss the days when the only numbers I had to memorize were my home phone number, and my library card number.  Of course, one used to be able to take out library books by just signing one’s name, but when the Lisbon Falls Community Library first went to a card number system, I was number 95.  That was easy enough to remember.

I won’t bore my readers with a long story about the personal angst I suffered when my parents changed their home phone number in the early 1980’s.  It happened to my friend Reggie Black, too, just this past year when his mother finally moved away from Lisbon Falls.  For almost fifty years, Reggie knew if he dialed a certain number, he could reach the Black residence.  Now, it is no more.

Sorry, Reggie.  I feel your pain.

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Maiden Voyage

Several weeks ago, I took a car trip through the Berkshires to upstate New York.  In an earlier career, I spent some time in this part of the world; my goal had always been to get there as fast as possible and then get back to the office as fast as possible.  On my current trip, I decided to take my time and visit a few places I had never seen.  Instead of racing across Massachusetts and New York, I slowed things down by stopping halfway and resting.  I incorporated a hotel stay into my travels.

I tried to be thoughtful about the journey and since I couldn’t “expense” everything, I had to economize here and there; I stuck my cooler in the back of the Jeep and brought many of the foods I normally eat when I’m at The Coop.

I hauled out my suitcase on wheels and packed carefully.  My trusty vintage train case, with my mother’s monogram still clearly visible, completed the trio of travel tools.  I christened myself “The Lady Alone Traveler.”

The trip, with its shaky start, was as interesting as it was exhausting.  Even though I slowed things down by mincing up the miles with rest, I did add approximately 780 miles of windshield time to my life.  Time behind the wheel requires an alertness I take for granted in my routine trips around the Seacoast.

This past weekend, I decided to slow things down a little bit more.  I had an appointment at home and I decided to try riding the rails; I took the Downeaster from Exeter, New Hampshire to Brunswick, Maine.

When I first entertained the possibility of such a trip, I considered bringing my vintage train case.  It’s a sturdy piece of luggage and I’ve jammed it pretty full in the past.  I was a little nervous, though; maybe my retro “lady alone traveler shtick” wouldn’t work on this maiden voyage.  There is a first time for everything and sometimes posing as a 40’s movie star is difficult when navigating new territory.  I didn’t know the tempo and tone of the Downeaster crowd, either, so I settled for an L.L. Bean knapsack and a canvas tote.

The evening train trip north was relaxing and romantic; the train moves along at a steady pace.  It “rocks” and “rolls” like a cradle and the seats are large and comfortable.  The crowd was a mixture of students, business professionals, and retirees and it was relatively quiet.  The train is equipped with Wi-Fi and most riders, including myself, were busy tapping away at electronic devices.  Periodically, the train whistle will blow.  This muted sound is like a lullaby from the past; it almost sounds like the words “slow down.”

Most of the passengers were well-dressed; I didn’t see any pajama jeans or sweat pants and I even noticed a few college co-eds with smart outfits and hip luggage.  I think the train case is going to work in the future.

Even though I was finding my train groove and feeling my way around the rails, I still had time to work on the blog, read eight pages in my book, and snack on the carrots I had packed for myself.  The very best part was when I closed my eyes outside of Portland and was able to keep them shut for longer than a blink.  This is something the lady alone traveler can’t do when she’s motoring along in her Jeep.

While this wasn’t my first train journey, it was the first time I’d been able to make the trip home with someone else doing the driving.  Train cases, whistles, and Wi-Fi…there was a sweet and modern sentimentality about it that was wonderful and I think I have a few more train trips in my future.  Train travel slowed me down and took me back to a past I’d only seen in movies or read about in books and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

On my next trip, the train case is going with me.

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Sleep in Heavenly Peace

Blog readers might have thought Uncle Bob disappeared off the radar since I changed the blog’s domain name.  Fear not!

The Garden In Heavenly PeaceHe’s around.  Our garden is just sleeping in heavenly peace under a cozy blanket of snow.

Cold winter afternoons are perfect for finding some peace.

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The Bird of Paradise

Not a follower of superstitions, I was surprised to learn there are many New Year’s food traditions which are thought to bring good luck.  Black-eyed peas, ring-shaped food, and pork all possess a certain something which makes them fortuitous dietary choices.  Collard greens are thought to bring good fortune too because they look like folded money.

Doesn’t a nice steaming pan of folded paper money (sautéed in butter, of course) sound delicious?

As I read through the list and the somewhat fuzzy logic behind each food’s apparent lucky benefits, I decided it was time to make my own short list of charming things that had happened in my life lately.

In November, when I went to the Junior League of Boston’s Decorator Show House, a bird BLEEP’d on my black vintage patent leather handbag.  Luckily, the fortune fudge scraped right off; there was no damage and no evidence.  As I’ve combed the internet for some source of this superstition, I’ve found quite a few references to the power of bird droppings if they land on a person’s head.  The scat is thought to be a sign of wealth coming down from the heavens; prosperity and good fortune are just around the corner.  I wonder if this superstition is doubly true when the mess lands on a handbag?  Wouldn’t it be logical if the symbolic wealth of the droppings circumvented my head and went directly into my purse?

I’ve had my share of shooting stars this year, too; I saw another one on New Year’s Day when I took my sunrise walk.

Then there’s an old Tee Vee superstition from the Newhart show.  I watched a little bit of Tee Vee back in the 80’s and this particular episode always comes to mind when I wind my way home through the pastoral old suburban roads of Rye, New Hampshire.  For the last few nights, many deer have been meandering around doorways and mailboxes, stepping out into the road at just the moment my headlights illuminate their hooves.  It’s lucky that we haven’t collided, what with their general disregard for property lines and sidewalks.

2013 has begun and it promises to be as busy and challenging as 2012; I’m going to need all the help I can get to keep things moving onward at a steady pace.  How enchanting it would be to know the karmic scales were tipped in my favor from these three random and absurd events.  But since I can’t be sure with absolute certainty, I’ll have to keep looking to some of the old landmarks while I search for new solutions.

What things are you counting on to make 2013 a happy new year?

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The Rosemary

For new blog visitors, Thursday is my “Mimimalist” post.  One definition of “minimalist” is the adjective use, meaning “being or offering no more than what is required or essential.”

The remains of the rosemaryThis rosemary sprig came from a bush in the now-cold and snowy Hampton Victory Garden.  It was the minimalist amount to conjure the sights and smells of summer.

Ah, summer.  You will return.

 

 

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Tiny Steps

Yesterday, one of my commenters, Wingnut on the Loose, suggested I had been taking liberties with my readers by writing about foolish things like growing a spine, crossing the road, and eating cold pizza and Junior Mints on New Year’s Eve.  Feedback is a powerful thing.  Although the nature of “blogging” (if there is any nature to it at all) lends itself to self-disclosure and taking liberties with words, I want to bring my Sunday’s best to the blogosphere and give my readers what they want.

One of my friends, not a blog commenter, has suggested to me in private correspondence that there is a lack of a powerful voice in the gardening sector.  She thinks I might be better served by writing more “how to” columns with practical tips.  I couldn’t help but laugh when she said “I see you as the Julia Child of gardening, dispensing advice and good practice to the enthusiastic but untutored.”

Ever sensitive, I did cry a few big tears when I realized I was not giving my people what they wanted.  Would they rebel and leave me?  I ended up taking a very long walk to the Hampton Victory Garden, searching for the last pieces of kale in a desert of snow.

The garden is just a memory now, but I was able to rustle up a whole bag of kale.  Silent and stoic, the kale said nothing about the blog.

Here’s some practical advice for all the enthusiastic but untutored gardeners out there:

Take some baby steps and inventory your seed stash today.

We’ll meet here again in a week; how about next Wednesday?  Feel free to report the results of your inventory in the comments.  Next week, I’ll dispense more gardening advice.  I can’t guarantee what I’ll write between now and then.

Clown time is over.

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Growing a Spine

The last day of 2012 was a day like any other.  I drove to The Big Corporation, pecked at my papers, and walked at lunch.  Cherie Ripperton had the day off, so I walked alone.

On the new office walking route, there are several places where the path crosses a major roadway and although there are “cross walks,” many of the automobile drivers are busy motoring along and often forget to stop for pedestrians.  It’s not unusual; it happens at Hampton Beach all the time in spite of the big fluorescent plastic signs installed in the middle of Route 1A each summer.

On this particular yesterday, I was dressed in a “safety first” pedestrian style.  I had my lumberjack red and black plaid jacket and my hunter’s orange baseball cap with ear flaps, like Elmer Fudd.  Lots of people stared at me while I stomped along the sidewalk.  I was not invisible.

Oddly, when I got to the place where the crosswalk met the road, I must have been cloaked in some strange and sudden cloud of invisibility because even though I looked both ways before entering the safety zone, I could hear the roar of an accelerating engine and then the sudden slamming of brakes as a car driver realized he or she was about to hit a pedestrian.  Me.

Luckily for the driver, I am always looking out for myself as I trudge along the highways and byways, so I quickly stepped back and let them pass; they must have been very busy and important because they cast an angry look my way.  Their little dog did too.  “Get back on the sidewalk, you foul walking peasant!” was the vibe I picked up.

I considered this near mishap all gain because it caused me to think and thinking seems to be the one thing not enough people are doing these days.

My first thought was to imagine what I might say if the driver of the speeding car had rolled down their window and said something to me.  In my mind, I would say something witty in return like “I know, I know, you and your little dog are cardiologists and you’ve been called to an emergency open heart surgery at the hospital down the road.  I’m sorry I was in your way.  Go in peace, you BLEEP.”

Then I started thinking of all the times in my life when people had said or done angry things to me and I had said nothing.  It seems like my general approach in such circumstances has been the passive approach, except on the occasions when I have responded angrily.  Why was there no middle ground of appropriateness?  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve used the “retreat” approach much more than the “telling the truth in love” approach.  The rest of my walk was consumed with thoughts of how to develop appropriate responses to people who cross the lines of polite conversation and civility.  I also thought a bit about how to respond to people who cross the lines painted on the road.

When I left the office for the day, I decided I would get a slice of pizza for dinner at a place in Hampton.  It’s been a while since I’ve stopped at this particular location of a Seacoast pizza magnate’s chain; I selected my slice and the young lady working behind the counter asked me if I wanted it heated up.  I said “yes.”

She cast my pizza slice carelessly into the giant Blodgett oven.  She walked back to the counter, took my money, and walked back to the oven and removed my slice.  Barely 45 seconds had passed.  In another life this certain commercial grade pizza oven manufacturer had been one of my customers and I knew their ovens were hotter than hell; could my slice really be hot enough to survive the ride home after such a brief blast?

I said nothing, wished the young lady a “Happy New Year” and left.  I could tell the pizza was tepid; I set it on the dashboard of the Jeep and let out a heavy sigh.  Do I go back into the store and ask her to reheat it? Or do I just drive on and accept it as yet another wasted Lincoln?  I could imagine myself making some smart aleck comment, but I also thought back to my pedestrian reverie earlier in the day and my general inability to exert a little spine about such things.  Then I weighed the cost-benefit of getting out of the Jeep, mustering up the energy to “say what I mean and not say it mean” and my final analysis was that it wasn’t worth it.  I dislike conflict so much that I’ll eat cold pizza while planning a complete and forever boycott of this pizza chain.

Why is that?

I have seen people who are quite adept at “truthing.”  In my early days in the Junior League, I once went to a “mixer” at a member’s house in Louisburg Square.  It was “pot luck” and I brought some crazy pimiento cheese spread I read about in Southern Living magazine.  As the “mixer” ended and we guests gathered up our dishes, I offered the remaining Dixie cheese to the hostess; she said “oh, no thank you, I don’t care for it.”

Just like that.

I have thought about her remark many times in my life since then and of course, I always think of it when I walk through Louisburg Square.  I’ve worked through my insecurities about being a hick from Maine bearing gifts of Southern cheese spreads to Boston socialites.  I may even have written her line on an index card for my stash of lines to use at The Big Corporation.  It’s a great line.

“No thank you, I don’t care for it.”

My Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary defines the word spine as “something resembling a spinal column or constituting a central axis or chief support.”  I do have a few back problems, all relatively minor, but sometimes I wonder if these problems are a physical manifestation of my inability to speak up for myself.  Might these problems resolve if I could just strengthen my central axis?  I am sure there is some New Age prophet or prophetess who might even suggest that my spinal problems stem from my lack of assertiveness.

It was an exciting New Year’s Eve, eating a cold pizza slice and drinking a can of imported Italian soda.  I topped it off with some Junior Mints my mother put in my Christmas stocking.  I’m not complaining; it’s all part of my spinal growth diet for 2013.

If you’re reading this on January 1, 2013, I’m already out and about, taking a sunrise walk to the Rocks at Rye.

Ever the external optimist, I knew one thing was true about pedestrian crosswalks, hicks bearing cheesy gifts, and spinal weakness.  I knew it would be good raw material for a blog post.  Since I am in the business of producing words, sentences, and paragraphs, I consider these brief afflictions all joy here on the blog.

Happy New Year!

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