The State of the Bonide

Last night was the state of the wha wha wha wha on the Tee Vee.  It was probably on the radio, too, on En Pee Are and on some static-filled right-leaning AM stations.  It was quiet here last night, by design.

Saturday nights are different.  I bum around the house, do unexpected things like iron cloth napkins, and listen to “Classic Jazz” on a local classical music station.  Arnold Olean has been producing this show on various local radio stations since I first moved to Portland in 1988.  Back then, the show was broadcast on Saturday mornings and after he finished packing up his vinyl records, he’d head over to The Bridgeway Restaurant in South Portland for a live jazz jam.  I used to go, too.

Talk about the state of the wha wha wha!  That was Don Doane swinging it on his slide trombone.

Don Doane was a big deal in the jazz world during the 60’s.  He played with Maynard Ferguson, Duke Ellington, and Woody Herman back in those days.  The audiences at The Bridgeway were smaller in the 80’s and 90’s, but the joint would be grooving and sometimes older jazz bigs might show up and join the jam.

Slide trombones, jazz jams, and wha wha wha.  Wha wha what does that have to do with gardening?  After all, it’s Wednesday.  Tiny Steps Gardening Day.

Arnold Olean’s “Classic Jazz” runs until 10:00 p.m. on Saturday nights and I sometimes leave the radio on when I go to bed.  The station plays pre-programmed classical music after Arnold’s show until 6:00 a.m. on Sunday morning.  Then it’s the ever-chipper wha wha wha of the Paul Parent Garden Club.  Like Arnold Olean, Paul Parent has been on the air for more than twenty years.

I’m sure Paul Parent is a perfectly lovely person; according to his website, he is gardening’s “Mr. Nice Guy.”

I’m half-asleep when I’m listening to his program and I’m probably still in a dream, sitting at the Bridgeway Restaurant on a snowy Saturday afternoon eating a Greek salad.  The dream always ends when I hear Paul Parent promoting one of his sponsors, Bonide Products, Inc.

Bonide this, Bonide that, sprinkle a little Bonide on it.

Wha wha wha.

Last week, Paul Parent talked about the winter blues and he suggested planting some lettuce in a pot.  He said it would grow right on the windowsill at this time of year, lettuce being a cool-season vegetable.  No Bonide was required.

I’ve never knowingly sprinkled any Bonide in my garden, but once upon a time I went to Oriskany, New York, where Bonide Products, Inc. is headquartered.  But that was a long time ago, another wha wha wha for another day.  Today, I’m going to take Paul Parent’s advice and plant some lettuce seeds.  In a few weeks, I just might have some swinging lettuce.

Wha wha wha.

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In Tilbury Town

In just a few days I’ll celebrate my second anniversary of blog writing.  I enjoy the discipline, but lately I’ve been discouraged with my writing.  I wonder about my blog stats and if I’ll ever write “something else.”  Am I really a “writer?”

I know there is always one person who reads everything I write.

He was born in Indiana and although his mother sent me pictures, I didn’t meet him until he was eighteen months old.  Eventually, he moved to Maine and I watched him play hockey, baseball, and even soccer.  I watched him graduate from high school and cheered him on through college.  When I wasn’t looking, he finished graduate school.  Sometimes we would write letters to each other.

It’s been a long time since I read stories to him.

I laugh when I look at that old picture.  My nephew is very special to me.  Had I my own children, I imagine they would have shared the empty place that little boy filled in my heart before I ever met him.

He’s thirty now and even though he’s my nephew and not my editor or literary patron (what’s that?), I sometimes share my writing discouragements with him.  He’s always thoughtful in his response.  Just the other day, I told him I had an idea for a book I’d like to write.  I sketched out a general outline.

He responded, in part:

“…sounds like a promising idea.  What would be the first step you need to do to get started on this?”

Sitting in a cubicle in my old office and reading this on my Tic Tac phone, I spit out a half-chewed cinnamon gummy bear, laughing out loud.  The corporate environment juxtaposed menacingly with the image of the little boy in the picture.  Yet once again I was encouraged by his mature, practical, and business-like response.

What would be the first step I needed to do to get started on this?

Darn good question.

I do good thinking when I’m walking and investigating places alone.  In the spirit of finding answers and taking first steps, I looked at a map and for no particular reason said “I will go to Gardiner and see what I can see.”

Gardiner is approximately 30 minutes from my house; it’s a pleasant drive on back roads or a speedy ride on the interstate.  Although University of Maine Black Bear hockey fanatics may disagree with me and consider Eric Weinrich the most famous Gardiner-ite, I consider Pulitzer-prize winning poet Edwin Arlington Robinson the town’s brightest light.  He grew up on Lincoln Street (now Avenue), in a house his father rebuilt in the Italianate style.

His relationship with his home was complicated.  He considered the town dark and stifling.  His Tilbury Town poems subtly echo his dissatisfaction.  He finally left Gardiner for good at the turn of the century, never to return.  After more than 35 years living in New York City, his ashes returned after his death and were buried in Oak Grove Cemetery, just down the street from his family home.

Bitterly cold yet blazingly bright, Tilbury Town provided me with a vigorous workout yesterday.  I had never realized how many cemetery statuaries are topped with crematory urns until I found myself searching for the Robinson-Palmer family plot.  Discouraged, I turned to leave.  Where was it?  I did one more internet search on my phone and refocused my bearings based on “find a grave” dot com.

Was a winter walk in the cemetery the first step I needed to take to get started on my book project?

As Mark Baumer might say “Yeah, I’m not sure.”

Meanwhile, take a step back in time and read Danny D. Smith’s treatment of the poet Edwin Arlington Robinson at a website maintained by the Gardiner Public Library.

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Someone Else’s Big Day

I’ll be going to a lot of birthday parties like this in 2014.  It’s calendar rearranging time.

It’s going to be a long, exhausting year.  Calling all time management gurus…

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Romeo and Juliet’s Mummy

January thaw over, we’re back in an Arctic weather pattern here in New England.  Sub-zero and single digits are the norm, bringing lots of crying and counting of days until spring on social medial platforms.

I try not to complain about the weather because there’s nothing I can do about it.

Back when I began preparing for the Apocalypse, I bought an L.L. Bean mummy-style sleeping bag.  I slept in it last night; it’s so warm and toasty, like being inside a power plant.  It’s hard to get up and while I can take small mincing steps around the house or hop around like I’m in a sack race, I can’t stay in this sleeping bag all day, can I?

Curious about “mummies” and “mummification,” I surfed the web this morning.  Mummy sleeping bags resemble mummified bodies, but the resemblance stops there.  The sleeping bag preserves life; the historical sleeping bag embalmed, embraced, and wrapped death.  Some ancient cultures stored mummies in pyramids, sarcophagi, and tombs.

I store my mummy in a bag under my bed.

I wonder if some marketing expert shouted “Hey, let’s call it a sleeping womb” at a brainstorming session.  The mental image of a cherubic sleeping baby is so much more pleasant than a dried out old mummy.

What’s in a name, right?

Come back next Friday.  I’m going tell a story about an old part-time job, working at a bridal shop I’ll call “The White Sarcophagus.”

“That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

Romeo and Juliet, indeed.

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The Longest Year Ever

1972, the longest year ever, sort of.  Check it out.

A good year for tea towels, I snagged this one at a yard sale in Hampton, still in the box.

1972I’ve used it a bit since then, but you can see it was built to last.

My brother wasn’t born in 1972.  He was born in 1962.  Today is his birthday.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Jimmy!

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The Bleak Hours

I swapped a few e-mails with Jaxon yesterday; he’s in jam where he lives.  He was the recipient of an outrageous “condominium assessment.”  Having lived in a condominium for almost fifteen years, I could understand his frustration.  My condominium owner’s association never delivered an assessment to me and although I wanted nothing to do with the shenanigans and wranglings of that particular “Board of Directors,” they did a good job of informing residents of financial affairs and keeping the coffers sufficiently stuffed to avoid the dreaded “assessment.”

Then Jaxon switched topics and said “I just haven’t felt like exercising lately.  Do you think it’s because I’ve eliminated wheat and sugar from my diet?”

Oh Jaxon!

I didn’t know how to respond.  The lack of wheat and sugar in his diet may have contributed to his listlessness, but deep down I knew it wasn’t the cause.  A rewritten line from a song ran through my head:

“But January made me shiver, with every paper I’d deliver, bad news on the doorstep; I couldn’t take one more step…”

Pseudoscience suggests the Monday of the last full week of January is “Blue Monday,” the most depressing day of the year.  I’ll spare the Wikipedia page link because it’s an insult to mathematicians and scientists who labor with facts and data.

Yesterday was Tuesday; could Jaxon really be suffering from Blue Monday?

Considering all these things, I tap, tap, tapped an answer back to him:

“No.  The reason you don’t feel like exercising is because it’s cold and it’s January.  That’s why people go to Florida in the winter.  Force yourself to move.  Then, put your condo on the market and let’s go to Florida.”

Content with my response, Jaxon said we would discuss our vacation in a few days.  ‘”The Gentleman” and “The Lady Alone Traveler” makes good blog fodder,” I said.  We laughed and parted electronic company.

Oh, January, bleak and brutally cold.

I looked at my watch and realized I hadn’t felt like exercising all day either.  I hopped in the Jeep, drove the short distance to The Farm, and started trudging down the snow-covered road, enjoying the sounds of my boots crunching in the snow.

Four o’clock and eleven degrees.

I hiked over Mosquito Hill, dodging a downed tree, and judging by the remainder of afternoon light, I walked all the way over to the town road.  I turned around and trudged back to the top of the hill just in time to see a layer of bright orange in the afternoon sky somewhere over the river.  I stopped and crouched, looking for the outline of mountains against the fiery sky.  I found that little place between the trees where I could see The White Mountains.

It was beautiful.  Four forty-five and there was still a shard of blazing daylight.

There may very well be bad news on the doorstep, but I was grateful I could take one more step yesterday.

Get behind me, Bleak Hours!

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Passive Voices

As a writer, I struggle with the “passive voice.”

Recollect, a transitive verb means “action” between a subject and an object.

“Clapton shot the sheriff.”

Clapton is the subject, the sheriff is the object.  “Shot” is the “action.”  The sentence conveys who did what to whom in the “active” voice.

“The sheriff was shot by Clapton” is another way of writing the sentence and it tells the story in a different way, what was done to whom by whom in the “passive” voice.

I don’t know why I struggle with it so; it’s become a habit, I guess.  Occasionally, I send Reggie word snips to critique and without fail he snips back “get rid of passive voices and find stronger verbs.”  Reggie is not the only active voice advocate;  William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White, in their book The Elements of Style state “The habitual use of the active voice, however, makes for forcible writing” and “…when a sentence is made stronger, it usually becomes shorter.  Thus, brevity is a by-product of vigor.”

This is not a treaty on writing.  My preoccupation with the passive voice made me think about spectator events and whether all spectator events are passive.  Over the weekend, I observed two spectator events:  a live local symphony orchestra performance and a televised football game.  Both appear passive.

“The symphony was attended by three hundred and fifty men and women, including me.”

“The AFC Championship game between the Broncos and the Patriots was viewed by over 40 million men and women, including me.”

Horrible passive voice sentences!  But are both events equally passive?

I think not.

I disdain Tee Vee; readers of this blog know this because I’ve written about it many times in the past.  I don’t call it “television” or “TV” by design because I think “Tee Vee” is an appropriate diminutive expression.  Tee Vee’s vigor needs to be diminished.  Not having a Tee Vee for fifteen years gives me perspective; I hear and see marketing voices and all manner of vapid detritus lobbed at passive viewers when I do watch.  I’m not opposed to sports.  I’ve gotten out of my comfortable chair, gotten dressed, and traveled long distances to attend sporting events.  After the initial and enormous spectacle’s breathtaking assault on my senses, I took my passive spectator seat, with pleasant companions providing engaging conversation, sports insight, and laughter.  We may have glanced at the Jumbotron from time to time, but there were fewer distractions and no overt commercials to interrupt the sporting experience.  Passively experiencing football, yet actively engaged with others.

On Saturday night, I had a different engaging spectator experience.  I went alone to the Midcoast Symphony Orchestra’s performance at the Franco Center in Lewiston, Maine.  The talented orchestra’s production, the second of their season, was three works by Beethoven, including the Egmont Overture, Op. 84.  It was a snowy night but the hall was close to capacity.  I’m not an expert on classical music, but I listen to it often on either local classical radio stations or on BBC Radio 3 over the web.  Some people consider classical music as an “elitist” thing; I may have thought so when I was younger, but now I’m looking for something hiding in the music.  I listen to it and study the artists and the times they lived and I learn things.

Yes, I have learned many things about other times and places by listening to classical music.  It engages me out of passivity.  Sometimes, when I’m walking on The Farm, I think about history and music.  I look at an old tall tree and wonder if my grandfather ever heard Beethoven’s music while growing up in Bavaria.

Prior to Saturday night, I had heard the Egmont Overture many times.  It’s a recognizable piece of music.  I didn’t know Beethoven wrote it as incidental music for the Goethe play, Egmont.  I didn’t know much about Egmont, a real player on history’s stage.  I didn’t know Beethoven’s thoughts about Napoleon.  My program guide provided a brief summary.  I listened closely to the music as it was performed and I watched the performers as they played their instruments passionately and vigorously.

The hall was alive and active.

I enjoyed the performance and even though I went by myself, I wasn’t alone in the hall.  I was engaged by the music, the artists, and people in the audience.  I may have dozed during Symphony No. 7 in A Major; it was growing close to my bedtime and was no reflection on the music.

Is there a difference between televised spectator events and live events?  Does the type of event matter?  When I contrast the symphony with watching yesterday’s painful Patriot defeat on Tee Vee, something seemed different.  My personal anecdotal evidence may not convince anyone.  Decide for yourself.

The Midcoast Symphony Orchestra will perform an all-Russian program of music on March 15, 2014.  It won’t be televised.

For what it’s worth, Clapton did not shoot the deputy.

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The White Wash

It rained this week; dirty and ugly all around…the ugliest time of the year.

Then, voila!

Fluffy, puffy, and pretty again!

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Broken Dreams and Bad Glasses

The last week has been strange.  A confluence of data and information arrived and it resulted in a frightening dream last night.  I hardly know where to begin.  The week?  The dream?  The outcome?  The resultant resolutions?

My first instinct was to be “Debbie Downer” and schedule a pity party STAT!  Instead, I made a cup of coffee and decided to analyze the data.

It all started when I received an e-mail notification from one of the volunteer organizations I belong to.  They were announcing the board of directors for the upcoming year and included biographical information about each nominee.  Sixty eight percent of the nominees had or were working towards the completion of an advanced educational degree.  It was an impressive and scholarly list, including one PhD, on JD, multiple MBAs, and even a Six Sigma Green Belt.  Feeling unworthy of this organization, I decided to look at the current board of directors and found the mathematical makeup of scholarship was exactly the same.  Sixty eight percent.

There was a time in my life when I seriously considered going back to school to attain an MBA.  Then I landed a plot in the Hampton Victory Garden and I figured out how to turn seeds into flowers and then even into tomatoes.  Every once in a while, though, I would wonder if my life might be enhanced by more formal education.

Woe is me.

On that same day, James Howard Kunstler posted the following on Facebook:

9:05 a.m. Tues Jan 14, 2014, calling for possible stock market crash today.  JHK

Later that day, Jimmy the K explained his prediction as follows:

Bad call on the markets today by yours truly.  They only go up.  I had a gut feeling.  The gut is a trickster.

Finally, before falling asleep last night, I got a long e-mail from Reggie, reminding me that the Apocalypse was nigh and it was time to nudge myself out of normalcy bias.  Water filters, solar panels, long underwear, and bullets were part of his prescription.

Oh, Reggie!  How I adore you.

When I woke up this morning, the remains of last night’s dream swirled around the corners of my mind.  In the dream, I had been staying at a beautiful old house in Lisbon Falls.  Was I renting the house or was I house-sitting?  I’m not sure.  It was the day of the Moxie Festival Parade and even though it was early in the morning, parade-goers were lining up chairs along the parade route.  The house was along the route and had a large porch on the second floor, perfect for viewing.

For reasons only known to dreamers, I opened the basement door and a white rat ran up the stairs followed by a slithering snake.  I must have screamed.  A cat from my past appeared and chased after the snake.  A bitter fight ensued, but Sasha the cat (or was it Fred?) was victorious and a dead snake lay in the middle of an elegant Oriental rug.

There was no blood and Reggie appeared out of nowhere to survey the damage.

If I never had another dream in my life, I would be happy.

Surveying all of these data points, I decided to look for the silver lining.  Yes, there have been spots of sunlight through the clouds this week.

My vacuum, full of Mon Beau Sapin’s needles, smells like a balsam pillow from The Palabra Shop in Boothbay Harbor.

Then, I got a Facebook friend request from an old crony from college.  He was a hilarious man with excellent taste in music; I had to accept his request.  I’m glad I did because he’s still hilarious and sometimes sardonic.  The combination of qualities really works for him and I’ve laughed more this week from his posts than I have all year.

Through his “friendship” I also reconnected with another hilarious crony from college with similarly excellent taste in music.  I’ve often wondered what happened to “Madge” and even though we weren’t terrific friends, her radio show was right before mine during my senior year in college.  It looks like she’s still funny and has even written a book about an appropriate response to having a Debbie Downer Pity Party kind of day.  It’s called When Life Gives You Lemons…At Least You Won’t Get Scurvy.

I just bought it.  Phew, I can now cross “prevent scurvy” off on my Apocalypse “to do” list.

Thanks, Madge, I’m soaking in it!

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Timeless Tea Towels

I know most people don’t care about tea towels on Thursdays.  My feelings aren’t hurt.

The first time my mother and I visited Patricia Porrell’s store, Timeless Cottage, I spied this tea towel.  I wanted to buy it, but I was focused on frugality.  Saint Helen went back and bought it for my birthday!

I’m sure I’ll write more about Timeless Cottage one of these days, but Thursdays are “minimalist” days, remember?

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