Home Delivery

I got a lovely note from my friend Julie, aka Slipper Sistah, the other day.  Julie is observant of the natural world and sees things many miss.  She chronicles her observations and today, I’m pleased that she’s given me permission to share something she wrote.  Without further ado, from somewhere along the Leaf Lane, is a guest blog by Julie Footer:

I drove by your place today; I was going to make a stop (Julie’s Home Hug Delivery) but you were away.  I saw an eagle just the other side of the ridge from your place and I pulled over to watch it.  What an amazing creature!  Spiraling up and up and up without flapping its wings, and I thought “well, maybe going in circles over and over again isn’t really as bad as I had thought.  It looks like it can be a lot more useful than I realized as long as it is continuously bringing me closer to heaven.”  As I was thinking this, the eagle was going further, and further away, riding the air currents drawing it westward.  Then, it changed directions.  Instead of spiraling clockwise it started spiraling counter-clockwise and it began drifting closer towards me.  Suddenly, it stopped circling and came directly towards me in a straight line.  In the beginning of the bird’s descent, it was up so high and so far off, I was having a hard time seeing it.  When it reached where I was, it was probably five hundred feet above me, soaring directly above my head.  Then, it headed straight off into the north and was lifted up by the winds, until I could see it no more.

 Wow! 

It never even flapped its wings once the whole time and it was a massive bird.  Gleaming bright white, its head and tail glowed in the sunlight.

I chose to go that way because I was going to stop by your place and drop off a hug, and instead, I got a special hug from God. 

Kind of neat, I think.

(Julie Footer, a taxidermy assistant for the last 27 years, is a former rebel, a shoe and slipper stitcher, and a naturalist.  She lives in Lewiston, Maine and is perfecting the art of cooking and living with Moxie.)

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Spaceman, the Sequel

I’m working on a long piece about a very short trip the Lady Alone Traveler took.  Kind of like Bill Lee, some of it was in my mind.  There is even some profanity.  

and sometimes I say things I shouldn’t, like...”

It wasn’t quite right and I couldn’t deliver it today.  I’m going to keep hammering away at it, with a little help from Reggie.  When I’m warmed up and it’s a smoking fast ball of a strike, I’ll wind it up and over the plate.  For today and for the sake of the blog, here’s a Bill Lee blast from the past.

Until anon…

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Robbed!

I’m getting ready for tomorrow right now because this time change thing is going to mess me up.


Spring forward, please.

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When Seagulls Recline at Table

As much as I try to remember all the details of my job at the wedding boutique, there are days when searches through my papers and my memory come up short and empty.  Sometimes it seems like it didn’t really happen.  Maybe I had never worked at a broken down old riksha of a bridal boutique.  Maybe The White Sarcophagus, like Maggie Sottero, never existed at all.

*****

We carried the Maggie Sottero line of wedding dresses at The White Sarcophagus.  “With design studios in Sydney, Australia and Salt Lake City, Utah,” this particular line was our most popular.  Many “Maggies” had a lace up back, something I’d never seen before.  This contributed to the line’s popularity, plus the dresses were moderately priced.  No, they weren’t the cheapest dresses we carried, but they weren’t the most expensive, either.  Because the Sottero line was so popular, imitations and designer knock-offs multiplied like an unhinged virus.  Brides were encouraged to buy Maggie Sottero dresses only from authorized locations and The White Sarcophagus, fortunately, was a dealer of such distinction.

Accept no substitutes, lest there be “dissatisfaction, disappointment and regret.”

One additional inoculation against (gasp!) walking down the aisle in a fake Maggie Sottero dress was the “Certificate of Authenticity” the bride received when she bought her dress.

As an authorized Sottero salon, over sixty percent of our inventory consisted of “Maggie” samples.  Even these came with a blank certificate in the event a bride insisted on buying the floor model in a Veruca Salt-like rage, wanting a Maggie Sottero dress NOW!  Who was I to halt such immature impulse, especially when it meant a cool chunk of cash in the coffers at the end of the day?  Scattered around the mess of papers in the back room were spare certificates, some of them used as scrap paper for telephone messages and complex mathematical calculations.  One of them met the keys of my old electric typewriter.

Who was Maggie Sottero?  Did she exist?  Or was she a name dreamed up by a focus team in a marketing meeting?  The dresses are still wildly popular and “reality” Tee Vee character Desiree Hartsock, a bridal stylist herself, is teaming up with the company to design a one of a kind dress for her upcoming “wedding.”

This wedding business is surely a “riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma,” n’est-ce pas?

I had forgotten about Maggie Sottero until a few months ago when Samantha Van Hopper sent me a package of old letters I wrote to her in those long ago days at the bridal boutique.  Read along with me from February 24, 2005 and see for yourself how things were going at one of Maggie Sottero’s authorized locations.

“…regarding the White Sarcophagus…what is happening is I am doing too much.  The two owners have neglected the business for a long time.  They used to enjoy it, I guess, and spent much time there, but in the last year it has slid down the tubes.  They try to shake it up every once in a while, but it’s always too little, too late.  They’ll run a promotion and then they won’t follow through.  Running a business is a full-time job, whether you’re the owner or not.  I have come in and tried to organize things and they seem to appreciate it.  But I think it’s too much.  It was only supposed to be part-time.”

“Most recently, both owners went on vacation with a few days’ notice and left me in charge.  They didn’t run payroll, so neither Veronica nor I had been paid.  I suppose I could have written checks for it as I’ve done for the COD deliveries, but this didn’t seem correct.  I had to cancel my coiffure appointment because there was no one to open the store.  I’ve been spending a lot of time at this and even spending my own money for things like stamps, paper, and cleaning products.”

“When they got back from vacation, they started talking about selling the business.  From the papers I’ve seen on the desk, it looks like they want $130,000 for it.  I don’t know what this amount of money would include.  A bunch of inventory?  It seems like a lot of money and lately all the dresses look soiled and ratty to me in spite of my efforts to keep things looking good.  I just wouldn’t want to put my condo up as collateral for a bunch of old dresses.”

“The White Sarcophagus is starting to bring me down.”

Soon after writing this letter, Veronica gave her notice and I was all alone to complete the Maggie Sottero certificates of authenticity.

*****

Meanwhile, in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, the bridal business booms.

They open today.

Bon Chance!

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On the Corner of Ash Street

On Ash Wednesday.

Mardi Gras is over.

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Pause

It was a chilly Mardi Gras in New Orleans yesterday, but it didn’t stop revelers from throwing plastic beads all over the place.  I won’t pretend to understand.  The closest I ever got to anything like this annual celebration was the time I went to a casino in Las Vegas.  Every 20 minutes, giant floats suspended from the ceiling circled the casino and masked characters threw plastic beads all over the place.  I started doing a little back of the envelope calculation and figured this casino was responsible for putting whole shiploads of plastic beads into Las Vegas landfills.  It really turned me off, but then again, Las Vegas is one big landfill.

I didn’t celebrate Mardi Gras yesterday, but I did eat a Bismarck pastry after I had my teeth cleaned.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of the Lenten season for some Christian denominations.  It can be a time of fasting, contemplation, and moderation.  It’s all well and good to give up some creature comforts for a season, but living sacrificially is more than swearing off plastic beads for forty days.  Growing up Catholic, I learned the rhythms of old school Lent.  No meat on Fridays, going to mass more frequently, and “giving something up.”

Although I haven’t observed Lent for many years, I have always thought of the season as a “stepping away” from the mayhem of life and “dialing down” some of the noise of the modern world.  Something in my spirit longs for that peace and stillness in spite of my craving for the novelty of new interruptions.

I searched the expression “internet fast” yesterday and I found an interesting assortment of blogs, articles, and spa weekend packages.  There was a debate on whether or not one should “give up Facebook for Lent” and there were the usual arguments about how the internet makes us relevant.  It’s the same argument I’ve read about why Tee Vee makes us relevant, or “televant.”  Apparently, history is being made on Tee Vee.  Yep, history is being made all right, just like a Hollywood movie, but I digress.

I’m not giving up anything for Lent but I’ll thoughtfully consider any suggestions which might enhance the quality of my life here on earth.

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The Robber Barons of Rumford

I worked on a volunteer project with a friend named Grace once. The project was called “The Poverty Resistance Project” and to be perfectly honest, I don’t remember its purpose. Maybe we planned a fundraiser or maybe we did some community outreach. Grace was passionate about eradicating poverty. One day, Grace and I were leaving a meeting and she told me of her frustration with the project’s bureaucracy and her doubts that our work would ever bear any fruit, least of all for the people who needed fruits and vegetables and jobs. She sighed and said “I just want to do something to help as many poor people as possible. I want to help them to get on their feet and restore their dignity so they can stand up and take care of themselves. I don’t see how any of these meetings help anyone.”

Someday Grace will have her own foundation and she’ll help people.

Andrew Carnegie had ideas about helping people, too. History has “mixed emotions” about him, some labeling him a robber baron and others citing him as a philanthropist and industrial statesman. He was a little of both. After selling Carnegie Steel to J.P. Morgan on March 2, 1901, he spent the rest of his life giving away his amassed fortune. One particular philanthropy project, the products of which are still evident today, was the “Carnegie library.” These libraries, dotted across the country, were built from money the industrialist gave as a grant to almost any town that asked.

Carnegie insisted that if a town were to receive his grant money, they had to agree to sustain the library independent of any further endowments from him. In this way, he helped many small towns help themselves. Carnegie said “A library outranks any one thing a community can do to benefit its people.”

I happened to be passing by a Carnegie library in Rumford, Maine on Saturday.

It was twenty-five minutes ‘til closing time, Lady Alone Traveler’s favorite time to arrive at libraries and antique shops. The library sits about halfway up a hill overlooking the Androscoggin River, Rumford’s downtown, and the paper mill. I took a couple of pictures and walked around the library. I asked the librarian if I could leave my car in the parking lot after closing time while I took a walk around town and she said it would be fine. She told me to “stay warm.”

I walked down the hill and across Rumford’s main thoroughfare, Congress Street. It was desolate except for a legless man on a motorized scooter. A large and historically interesting building on the other end, The Hotel Harris, was darkly inviting and I hurried down the street to this monument. The lobby was quiet and deserted; was I intruding on something? I didn’t stay long.

I crossed over the river again on the second of Rumford’s two downtown bridges and hiked back up the hill. A large stone pillar caught my eye and then an architecturally interesting brick house. I walked towards it. It was a whole neighborhood of fascinating brick houses, some modestly maintained and others falling into disrepair. The planned neighborhood was built by another industrialist around the same time Andrew Carnegie was beginning his library project. Residents probably moved into Strathglass Park around the same time the Rumford Library held its grand opening. It was a different time.

I e-mailed a few pictures to Reggie and he told me this duplex was for sale for $58,000, both sides. Look it up–5 Clachan Place and 35 Lochness Road. Most of Rumford is for sale for pennies on the dollar.

Once again, I didn’t plan out my Lady Alone Traveler trip thoroughly and I didn’t do enough research before I left. I have questions about Rumford, its economic decline, and the people who once lived there. It’s an enjoyably walkable town and if I lived at 5 Clachan Place, I could walk to the Post Office, the Library, and Brian’s Bistro. It needs a coffee shop and I don’t mean Dunkin’ Donuts.

I know, everyone thought the paper industry would last forever and building a big Wal-Mart in the next town over seemed like a good idea at the time. It’s also true that it was the paper mills, in part, that first brought urbanity and culture to the remote river valleys of Maine. But it was the automobile that eliminated the need for walkable downtowns. Stylish brick libraries and the knowledge housed in them have been overshadowed by the roads that transport us to more impersonal plastic places.

Restoring Rumford’s dignity? It sounds like a project for Grace’s foundation. We’ll have our meetings at the library.

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A Moment of Quiet Repose

When Lady Alone Traveler is jetting about, she is grateful to find unlocked church doors.

Precious moments of quiet repose.

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The Golden Rule Gloves

Bay and Carleen were victorious at The Bridal Bazaar.  They gave away all their bags of goodies and talked up hundreds of brides-to-be.  The phone rang and the appointment book filled up.  The vacuum cleaner broke for the last time and I heaved it into the dumpster out back and started bringing my Miele in with me.  Bay had given me my own key and I’d go in a few hours early on Saturday mornings to shine things up.  The horrified and disgusted sidelong glance from a mother-of-the bride when she picked up one of our cosmetic stained sample dresses drove me to make everything in The White Sarcophagus shiny and bright.  Armed with window cleaner, stain removal sticks, and my vacuum, the early morning hours were mine alone to reflect on what I might contribute to the great cause of matrimony.  Then, after the last bride left in the evening, I’d go through a similar housekeeping ritual which ended by locking the shop door and making a drop at the dumpster out back.

This was how I prepared myself for the “bridezillas” who began storming The White Sarcophagus after The Bridal Bazaar.  Most I met weren’t as obnoxious as portrayed in the media and a few, like Tracy, were even worthy of sympathy.

Tracy’s wedding was in May; she’d ordered her dress at a Rita S. Von Pitlock (dubbed “RSVP”) trunk show we’d had before I was hired.  It would arrive in March.  Dresses in the RSVP line were domestically made in the Von Pitlock work room somewhere in New York City, but the silk shantung was imported; Tracy was nervous a terrorist attack or a bubble in the silk market might delay its delivery.  She stopped in every Saturday, “just passing by,” and I’d go over the order paperwork with her and reassure her.  Even though Bay rolled her eyes when I’d mention Tracy by name, it made me sad that so much of her happiness depended on her dress’s delivery.  One Saturday, she arrived disheveled and in tears; she’d been out all night with her bridesmaids (for the twenty-third time) and she just happened to be passing by.  She might have been hung over or maybe she was still drunk.  I offered her some bottled water; she heaved her giant Coach bag on the floor, plopped down on the bridal barge and began pouring out her soul to me.

What could I do?  She was our best customer.  Not only had she bought the most expensive dress ever carried in the boutique, but each time she’d “stop in” she’d buy a pair of shoes, a clutch, some earrings, or a “I’m the Bride” rhinestone-monogrammed T-shirt.  There was no limit to her spending power.  It was all kind of sad, really, and I felt sorry for her.

In retrospect, her story was no different from any other bridezilla’s.  Having had a few dreams and fantasies of my own that hadn’t come true, I assured her that nothing would prevent her RSVP dress from arriving and everything would work out.  I tried to avoid sentimentality and I would steer the conversation to other topics like her work, her fiancé, her friends, and any interests she had outside of her wedding.  Mostly, I just listened and tried to interject a little humor from time to time.

On this particular morning, she asked to try on the RSVP sample dress before she left.  She said she didn’t need any help; she just wanted to try it on.  She encouraged me to finish vacuuming.

She disappeared into the dressing room with her purse and her dress and I finished my morning cleaning rituals.  Ten minutes later, she reappeared, renewed and refreshed from whatever potions she carried in her bag.  She gave me a perfume-heavy hug and as she walked down the stairs and out the door, I encouraged her to enjoy the day and do something simple, like taking a walk or a nap.

She didn’t hear a single thing I said.  She didn’t buy anything, either.

I sighed and went into the dressing room to retrieve the RSVP dress, untouched and arranged perfectly on its hanger.  Not so perfect was the ladylike wicker trash bin full of tissues and vomit.  Bay hadn’t told me cleaning up bridal barf was part of my job description.

I thought back to one of my own less-than-spectacular nights of college, when I had hurled up a bunch of beers and some carrot-slaw.  My roommate’s boyfriend had cleaned it all up and I’d often wondered what inspired his kind and charitable act.  Luckily, I had my “Golden Rule” rubber gloves in my cleaning toolkit and in that spirit, I cleaned up Tracy’s mess.

The show must go on.

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Empty

I’m leaving tea towels aside today to celebrate the emptiness of my storage space.

It took over a year to empty it completely.  Surrounded by all my stuff again, it’s time to get back to thoughtful analysis of what is necessary.

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